


Life of Haku

by Ki_no_Shirayuki



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Crack, Drabble, Friendship, Gen, Half-Elves, High School, Mythical Beings & Creatures, WTF, Whining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 05:27:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5855914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ki_no_Shirayuki/pseuds/Ki_no_Shirayuki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Series of unrelated one-shots revolving around our favorite Voyaki-loid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Am No Demon 1

Yowane Haku does not like being called something she is not.

How she loathes the very first day she showed up at this accursed high school just to present herself to the horrible asshole from hell known as the principal. How she hates the scrutinizing glare he gave her through his lenses and the onslaught of stupid questions he fired at her. He should have stopped trying to be friendly already and just be strict and terrifying like how a real principal should be, then Haku could have been more comfortable; hell, she was surrounded by strict and terrifying people half her life, but that's a story for another time. Yet, her blood didn't come to a roaring boil until he started asking her about her background and she, well, told the fricking truth. She had to stifle a growl when the old man gave her the "you must be joking" look and said something stupid along the lines of, "but there are no elves in Japan!"

"I said I'm half elf." Haku repeated herself, unaware that she had turned pink from her cheeks to her not pointed ears, "And there is an elven tribe in Hokkaido. You don't believe me? Just go there and get lost in a forest. Oh, be careful not to get hit by one of their poisoned arrows, by the way. They can turn you into a celery stick. The elves are not too fond of humans; I was glad that my mother was not one of those who got their tongues chopped off and made into sushi like the accidental trespassers, or had their brains fed to wild birds like the intentional trespassers."

The principal looked intimidated, because that reminded him of something. His younger sister who went on a trip to Shiretoko Peninsula with her friends and none of them came back. Haku smirked. Hands shaking, the man grabbed his pen, dropped it, grabbed it again, and resumed writing something on a sheet of paper that he didn't allow Haku to look at. Eyes super-glued to his work, the douchebag principal shooed her away muttering something like, "Make sure you get to the entrance exam on time!"

That was a story from months ago. But now, as Haku sits in the corridor of Vocaloid International High School during break time reading the school magazine, her ruby eyes nearly pop out of their sockets as they skim over an article about her winning a poetry competition in which Haku is stated to be a hanyou. Shit, she says to herself, as there is no stopping that damned otaku classmate of her that is Kagamine Rin from chasing her around with a red kimono and a pair of dog ears now. Why does nobody believe her? She bitterly thinks as she tears up the magazine into two handfuls of bits, grunting, "There. Are. Elves. In. Japan!" between rips before chucking it all into the nearest trash can.

Yowane Haku does not like being called something she is not.


	2. And So the Lion did What?

"It isn't over yeeet?" the half-elven groans groggily, flips herself over on the sofa and buried her face in a cushion, "This fucking movie has been dragging on for-fucking-ever!" she lets out a muffled, pained growl.

"Shh!" whispers her human best friend Akita Neru before she shoves another cushion on top of Haku's mess of silver strands, making a sandwich of her head between two cushions, "Here comes the best part... he's gonna confess to her... wait for it... 'And so the lion fell in love with the lamb'. KYAAAAH! So romantic! Oh man, you should have seen it! Did you see it? They were, they were this close and he..."

"Yeah yeah yeah," Haku rises up from the sofa and attacks the blonde's face with the cushion she has nested her face in; the blow nearly makes Neru fall over, "just what the hell is this stupid movie about anyway?"

"Oh Hacchan, I really wish you bothered to watch it instead of lying your ass there snoozing throughout the movie. This is, like, the seventh time you asked me that." says Neru half jokingly, half seriously as she packs her mouth with a heaping handful of popcorn, "Edward Cullen, the hottest vampire on the planet falls in love with adorable Bella Swan. Damn, she better know she's lucky she's got a knight in shining -sparkling- armor there to save her every time. I knew from the start when they looked into each other's eyes that they're so in LUUV! Kyaaah that's soooo cute! Isn't that like..."

"No no no, I don't want anymore of that shi..."

"... your mom and dad?"

There is a disturbing silence, save for the sound of the movie, following Neru's seemingly innocent query. Haku reaches for the remote control and deliberately presses "Stop", resulting in a distressed whine from her friend. The half-elven then says between clenched teeth, "Don't, ever, talk to me about that 'love at first sight' shit. When my mom was lost in a forest in Hokkaido, my dad showed her the way back to the hotel she was staying at. She thought about him the same way you think about that Edward Idon'tgiveashitwhathislastnameis; she thought 'this guy is the hottest I've ever seen, and his being technically a beast makes me wet as hell' and they fell in 'love'. Then my dad begged the tribe chief to let them marry, which to the entire tribe's surprise he agreed. Then it turned out he was a complete asshole. Treated my mom and me like shit. I was 10 when my mom finally snapped and took me with her to Tokyo. It sucked I'm telling you. Totally sucked."

"But at least they did love each other, didn't they? I'm really sorry that they weren't together longer. I guess it kind of sucked. Edward and Bella though, at the end they get married, have kids and live HAPPILY EVER AFTER..."

At that, Haku wolfs down all of the popcorn in the bowl, making the blonde scream, but she can't hear one sound; she is busy entertaining herself with a crunching fest in her mouth.


	3. I Am No Demon 2

"Tadaima."

Akita Neru soon finds herself declaring her homecoming to nobody. This however is not uncommon, as she knows her parents are on one of their business trips again. She is glad -in fact, she is so happy she almost lets out her most infamous squee among her infamous squees, the one that stabs your eardrums and rattles your windows- because she needs some alone time to watch the Fifty Shades of Grey DVD she's just borrowed from Gumi. She hastily strips off her shoes and throws them carelessly on the small carpet, the one her mother keeps instructing her to "keep your shoes off of and place them at the genkan! Don't let me warn you again about this, you're a grown-up Japanese woman!". She sprints along the long, narrow corridor and up the stairs more swiftly than a monkey. Once she makes it to her bedroom, she starts removing the outfit she wears for school today and searching the wardrobe for something comfortable. Then disaster strikes.

Neru almost gets a heart attack when greeting her is no one other than her best friend trembling in a fetal position in a corner of her wardrobe. Shocked and enraged, she pulls the albino out by her silver ponytail and screams at her face, "What the hell are you doing in my house? How did you get in here?"

"Be quiet!" Haku shushes her friend," I climbed the window. If you please, I need to stay the night in your closet. Pretty please, Necchan, I know I'm mortal but I don't wanna die too soon..."

"Just what kind of trick are you pulling on me?" Neru lets angry words seep out from between her teeth, still holding her poor friend's hair.

"K... K... Kagamine." Haku blubbers. She's chasing me everywhere with that stupid red kimono and dog ears again."


	4. Poison Perfect

"Seriously, what have you done to him?" the turquoise-haired whispers, all the while cupping her mouth and darting her eyes around to make sure no one in the cafeteria is paying any attention to her. She is lucky, for everyone is now too occupied with the sight of Shion Kaito dancing half-naked on a table to notice. Situated at one of the special seats for this unexpected show, which is at the table he is dancing on, his older sister Meiko shouts and cheers him on while filming her poor brother with her iPhone 6 Plus. The precious 1080p video with crystal clear audio will be the perfect blackmail material later.

"It's nothing, really." Haku whispers back, "I just added one drop to his ice-cream shake... Don't worry, the effect will wear off when lunchtime is over. Looks like your revenge plan came out with flying colors!" she gives Miku a triumphantly devious look, and the leek-lover says defeatedly, "Fine, I'll treat you after school... oshiruko maybe?"

"Oshiruko." Haku nods.

This is no doubt the perfect ending for the vengeance plan that Haku finds herself being a part of. Yesterday, Miku was on the warpath as her ex-boyfriend Kaito released an embarrassing photo of her nodding off at her desk in Math class on Facebook. The half-elven isn't on friendly terms with her since Miku is already a famous teen pop star, and Haku doesn't like teen stars. But seeing her outrage over the stupid blue-head who Haku absolutely hates, she agreed to side with the leek-lover for once and hatch a perfect plan to hold Kaito accountable for the wrong he had done. It was incredibly fortunate for Miku to choose Yowane Haku as her partner-in-crime since not many people know of her expertise in poison. Haku is proud of her poisoning skills acquired during her time in the elven tribe north of Hokkaido (though she wishes she could complete them by knowing how to fire poisoned arrows). Not only is she able to create all sorts of substances that don't actually kill but make a healthy person fall ill or go nuts for eternity, which is what beginners or the feeblest of elven poisoner can do, she can also whip up concoctions whose effect is only temporary, like the one she spiked Kaito's ice-cream shake with, which is something only advanced poison-makers are capable of and is only taught to an extremely limited number of elves. Nobody in Tokyo knows the recipe to such things but Haku, and she can mix them up almost anywhere, anytime as the ingredients can be found all around her. Yes, she can make antidotes too, but they don't appeal to her as much.

"Hey" says Gumi to her as students begin to move out of the cafeteria, "I overheard you talking with Miku. Please, I need you to help me poison this person..."


	5. Prom Princess

Akita Neru revels in the smooth silkiness of the silver strands between her fingers as she tediously does her friend's long hair. It doesn't matter, she enjoys doing this so much every time the two are about to appear formally, and this time, they will soon be at the school's dance. Haku's hair is even more beautiful than Neru's radiant golden mane, and she secretly envies her for that. Her work comes to an end as she secures together the two ends of the decorative side braids with a black and blue butterfly hair clip at the back of her head, then let the rest cascade all over her back and reach past the stool she's sitting on like a waterfall of pure moonlight.

"It's done" says Neru, and Haku stands up and turns around to face her friend. She is slightly taller than Neru, and is still so even when both of them are now wearing heels. Her long white hair is now unbound, save for the braids running along the sides of her head, and seems to glow almost like the moon outside. She is wearing a lavender dress that comes up to about her knees, made of the fabric that softly reflects the light around her and flows with every step she takes. Neru looks at her for a while and suddenly has a thought flashing through her mind that she, whose bright hair is gathered in a bun rather than the usual side ponytail and wearing a simple peach prom dress, looks like a frog next to the beautiful princess before her, the elegant, fairy-like, ethereal being before her.

"Damn, I bet Galaco is gonna give you a good kicking in the ass today!" Neru remarks.

"Why?" Haku jokingly questions.

"Because you're gonna steal her Prom Queen crown the moment you show up there!"

"Nah, I'd just be a Prom Princess." the albino chuckles.

"Seriously though," says the blonde, "how'd you get hair like that? Like, what kind of shampoo do you use? Or conditioner? Do you have to visit the hairdresser every 4 times a week? Like how?"

"Nothing, really. I just take normal shampoo and mix some stuff into it. Cuz I really feel like it. I ain't that interested in taking care of my hair like other girls do anyway. I prefer making poison. Especially the type that makes your hair smell like a truckload of cowshit with only one drop. I used it on my little brother once, and you gotta look at his face when he came out of the bathroom that day. Man."

The two chat and laugh together for a little while before getting up and leaving the house for the night.


	6. I Am No Demon 3

What the fuck have I ever done? Why is this happening to me? The albino groans inwardly. Until the end of time, never will Yowane Haku forget the utter treachery of her friend to whom she desperately begged for safety. Said friend was outraged at her and literally shoved her at the annoying otaku blonde monster coming for her before having the nerve to spit, "I don't care what the fuck Kagamine's planning to do to you, it's none of my fucking concern. Get your half-beast ass outta my house and never, ever, sneak in here unanounced like that, you creepy fuckitty fuck fuck!" and slam the front door.

The petite blonde next to her can't possibly be any happier looking at the miserable Yowane Haku towering over her in an outfit of red silk haori and hakama and a pair of fuzzy dog ears atop her head of unbound white hair. Oh, and don't forget those ridiculous fake fangs too. If the toy sword hanging from her hip really is a magic one like Rin says, then Haku will stick it up her ass without a second thought.

"Sit down boy!" Oh great, not again; yet another little girl just points a finger at her and utters the accursed "magic words". The albino rolls her eyes before squeezing them hard as Rin gives her an almighty push to her back, sending her slamming face-first on the asphalt. The ringing laughter of the child makes her want to spring right up and give her a good punch in the face, but Rin rudely pins her down with her foot and tuts, "No, no, no. Be a good dog!"

When the girl finally left, Haku crawls up and is determined to beat the shit out of her acquaintance, because enough is enough. But she weakly gasps instead; hot, thick liquid is running from her nostril to just above her lips, and before she can compose herself, is going all-out like a waterfall to her chin and finally dripping down her chest.

Blood.

"Fuck you, Kagamine..." she groans.


	7. End of the Earth

The old man, who looked anything but old, accepted a bundle from the woman kneeling before him. The baby he was cradling in his arms then, he noticed, was a fair child indeed. She inherited the moonlight-hued hair and deep ruby eyes from her mother. But, he couldn't help but also feel sorry for her, because those round ears, unmistakably, perfectly round helixes that the baby possessed bore no resemblance to anyone's in this particular neighborhood but her mother's; heck, who knew what else this infant inherited from that woman... Instantly, anxiety gripped the old man's heart. He could have just returned the child to her parents and tell them her fate had already been decided by the deities and then get the ritual over with without even starting it. His experience urged him to do so, but he didn't dare skip the ritual and fly in the face of the traditions and rules he were to maintain and enforce. Heart heavy, he produced a small blade and cut a gash on the baby's arm, just enough to draw a little blood. He dipped a small stick in the scarlet drop and wrote two faint characters on a small rectangular piece of paper: "ハク"

The baby's pained cry was agonizing, but everyone, save the mother, was surprisingly calm. One woman whose ears were the shape of a young leaf sticking right through a thick mane of green hair swiftly tended to the infant's wound and handed her back to her parents. The old man then dropped the blood talisman into the fire he had lit before him. The paper would not burn, but whatever was written on would change. Whether the child's existence would last till the end of time like those from her father's side, or eventually vanish into nothingness like those from her mother's side depended on the decision of the gods, shown in the color of the writings after its trial in the fire. The old man, the couple and everyone else attending the ceremony anticipated for it to come out either red or black.

The time was over, and the old man carefully fished out the talisman from the flame. He blew away the layer of soot covering its surface. He gasped.

The characters were not faint red, but deep, deep red like agony itself.

The man pretended he did not see the triumphant smirks of other people present. He made his way to the couple and whispered, gently yet painfully, "I am sorry. I knew this would be, yet I could do nothing to change the will of the gods. It's not in my power..."

"It's okay, chief-sama", said the woman who, to the old man's surprise, did not seem desperate, sorrowed or remotely disappointed, "if this is what they want, then so be it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter name translated from that of the Shiretoko peninsula, which derived from the Ainu word "sir etok" meaning "the end of the Earth"


	8. Got Sake?

She is going to regret this...

But honestly, nobody gives a damn.

On her feet atop a table still full of dishes and cups - she's just knocked out another one, the liquid inside it landed all over the thigh of Len's expensive silk trousers - Haku has her arm around Rin's shoulder, whose graduation gown still being worn since the ceremony this morning effectively knocks out some more cups unfortunate enough to be in its range. Both are flushed, repeatedly rocking the table in a bouncing motion and making their embarrassing presence known to the entire restaurant singing at their top volume - if one would call shouting loud and raw with no regard to rhythm or pitch singing. Hatsune Miku nearly falls off her seat dodging Haku's swinging foot again, intensely colorful curses mixed in with her huffed breaths. This is absolutely no good for her reputation as a teen pop star hanging out with these drunken freaks; as if she hasn't had enough of people comparing her boobs to Megurine Luka's anyway...

At one point, the intoxicated girls can be heard screaming,

"Bye Bye Sayonara

Rockin' lookin' berry!

Sora mioroshi

Ryoute o ue ni!"

Miku glances up at them in shock and later anger. That's her song! Released in her latest album Love is War only five days ago and already fucked up. They are so in big trouble once this party is over...


	9. Half & Half

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Child!Honne Dell

This is the most embarrassing event she has ever experienced. No, really, it's even more embarrassing than that time she passed out drunk and woke up naked at Neru's place.

Her mother Mrs. Yowane, her second husband, an American Japanese known as Honne Darby, and their son are visiting her again this Christmas. The child ten years her junior has been causing trouble on every one of such occasions ever since he learned to walk, after which never once putting the pillows back onto the bed. Trapped at home with little Honne Dell while all her friends hang out at the mall for exclusive holiday discounts or go all the way to the top of the Tokyo Skytree catching snowflakes with their dates makes some Christmas especially painful for Haku. However, none of them come close to this year. Dell is being a nice, quiet kid today, burying his legs under the kotatsu sipping hot cocoa like all good human boys. She is thanking the God and every single Kami she remembers when all of a sudden, the kid cracks an ear-to-ear grin and hands her a huge box wrapped in pretty paper and a black and blue ribbon, similar to the one holding her ponytail. Haku grins back, but not taking the gift straight away. Instead, she asks, "You're definitely up to something, aren't you?"

"Nee-chan, you're ridiculous!" Dell replies and Haku swears his smile grows even wider, "It's Christmas, and I have a Christmas gift for you!"

"But you've never given me Christmas gifts before." the albino shoots him her trademark "blood glare" - the look that simultaneously curdle and drain your blood.

"Then I'm taking it back."

"... but I didn't say I'm not gonna take it!"

As much as Haku hates to admit it, curiosity wins her over. She receives the present and unabashedly opens it straight away - an annoying habit she has that, according to her mother, makes her "look like a child" at every of her birthday parties. She should have learned her lesson after this, because as the lids open, she sees that death, or rather humiliation to the point of death, awaits her inside the box.

Despite the air conditioner being cranked up, Haku is shivering in a set of red and green costume consisting of heeled boots, a hat and a -fuck you otouto, are you kidding me?- a shockingly short dress that in no way completely cover her buttocks. She has probably rolled her eyes for the thirteen thousandth time now as the little girl to whom she just handed a lollipop says, "Thank you, Miss Elf!". Oh, how she wishes the army of elementary schoolchildren around her would thin out and the piece of shit that is her damned half-brother was around so she could give him a good kick in the face, for the "gift" he gave her is in fact this stupid outfit that when she refuses to wear in the first place, he poured an entire cup of hot cocoa all over the beautiful blanket of her kotatsu. Just because he wants to prove to his class that his big sister is an elf (not entirely, but he just isn't going to listen).

Looks like she is definitely gonna get a cold today. Merry Christmas indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter name stands for: "The Half-elven and her Half-brother"


	10. Dude, it's Dud

Whatever the bunch of idiotic nerd monkeys known as Vocaloid Int. High Science Club, lead by idiotic nerd superhuman Utatane Piko, is up to, Haku couldn't care less. The rumors spread their way all around the school that those guys are in some sort of "hellish catastrophe". Oh crap, perhaps Miki has just broken another vial or something. Those people are already notorious for making a fuss over nothing at all, so this news doesn't receive even a roll of the half-elven's scarlet eyes.

But it isn't until later today, after school, that she realizes she can't be more wrong, and the science club can't be more of rational people in a genuine, hellish catastrophe (even though she still loathes admitting it).

She and Neru are walking home from school when Oliver, that English kid, stops them and asks them to try his latest invention. Then Neru recalls that Oliver has just been admitted into the science club. Since Neru currently has a soft spot for another member of the club (the fact that Haku keeps bugging her about it annoys Neru to no end), she agrees to it straight away (the albino is teasing her again and she is short of blowing her top off).

But Neru's irritation soon turns into bitterness that matches Haku's absolute and utter shame as they ride home on bikes... with umbrellas attached to the handlebars. They are wide open despite the nice sunny weather for Oliver insists that it can rain any moment and it would be akin to suicide to close the umbrellas and have those huge columns of fabric sticking right in their field of vision. Worse yet is the endless chorus of laughter following them throughout the busy streets of Tokyo. It isn't until now that Haku understands why the science club is losing their shit. Their new member is a disgrace to them. The only thing strictly forbidden within their circle is to create chindougu - dud inventions, and doing so guarantees a literal shoe in the ass that sends you flying right out of the club, along with scorn from its members forever. But not in the case of Oliver; he is a newbie, so Piko decides to give him another chance...

Shit.

**Author's Note:**

> About elves in this work: they are inspired by Tolkien's legendarium, but largely based on a similar race of creatures known as "mazoku" in Japanese mythology.


End file.
